Balls Awesome!
by Kikira-Lynn
Summary: A bored Sango and Kagome come up with ways to annoy everyone they know. Better than the summary!
1. Miroku

This is the result of not being able to sleep at three in the morning and contemplating when to get my tattoo. Please enjoy!

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Balls Awesome!

Kagome and Sango were just chilling at their makeshift camp, waiting for their male counterparts to come back with food and firewood. Shippo was snoring loudly by a tree and Kirara was having a kitty dream. The girls figured as much considering the little nekomata would kick, twitch and mew at random moments.

"Kagome, I'm so bored! We haven't fought any demons or bandits for that matter in what feels like ages! I'm growing restless, man. I can't do this! I'm freaking out. Talk me down, Kagome. Talk. Me. Down," Sango's hands were fisted in her hair and she began rocking back and forth, a crazy look adorned her features.

"Sango, calm the fuck down! Breathe, damn you!" Kagome shook her friend and slapped her across the face a few times for good measure. Sango calmed down considerably, but the crazy glint in her eyes never left. "We need to do something to pass the time. Everything is just too chill," she stated.

Kagome nodded in understanding. Suddenly, an evil look spread across her face. "Hey, Sango, I have an idea." Sango motioned for her to continue. "Let's annoy everyone we know." Sango smirked. "Great idea, Kagome! Who's our first victim?" Kagome tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Miroku," she sniggered. Sango nodded her head enthusiastically; Kagome thought it just might bounce off and roll away.

"Got any ideas?" Sango asked. Kagome grinned and whispered in her friend's ear. Sango's face lit up in a mischievous way. "Let's do it." With that, the girls set their plan into action.

A little while later, the boys returned with firewood and food. Sango looked to Kagome who only smirked. Miroku began situating the fire wood and once it was to his satisfaction, lit it and began to cook the fish.

After everyone was done eating, Kagome secretly slipped something into Miroku's drink before handing it to him. "Thank you, Kagome dear," he gave the young miko the most charming smile he could. As he was gulping down the warm liquid, Kagome and Sango had to stuff their fists in their mouths to stop from laughing.

About ten minutes later, Miroku was passed out cold on the ground. His snores were loud enough to wake the dead! He was also drooling and twitching. Kagome began to rummage through her enormous bag and gave a squeak of triumph when she found what she was looking for. Sango immediately began to giggle uncontrollably. Inuyasha noticed the girls' antics but chose to ignore them instead of questioning what was going on.

Sango and Kagome stealthily walked up to Miroku, items in hand. They squatted down to his level and began their work. When Miroku's body suddenly lurched forward in his sleep, the girls' jumped back and froze. Then Miroku fell back down with a grunt and mumbled something about "unicorns' butt-fucking sheep." Sango shook her head and went back to work. Kagome had to take a few moments to get a grip on herself before helping Sango.

Once done, the two stepped back to admire their work. "Oh, he's in for a surprise when he wakes up in the morning," Kagome stated simply. With that, they each crawled into their own respective sleeping bags and hunkered down for the night.

o0o

The next morning, Sango and Kagome were the first to wake up. They both stretched and began the task of cooking breakfast, all the while sneaking glances at the pranked Miroku. Inuyasha was the next to wake up. He jumped down from his perch and walked over to the girls. Shippo and Kirara awoke to the delicious smell of food, causing their little tummies to growl in approval.

Not much later, Miroku yawned and stirred. He sat up and popped his back. His friends all turned to greet him, and then stopped short. At the sight of the monk, Inuyasha's jaw went slack, Kirara cocked her head, Shippo's eyes went as wide as dinner plates and the girls were attempting to stop the laughter from issuing from their mouths (which they were failing miserably at).

Noticing his companions' reactions, Miroku spoke up. "What? Is there something on my face?" he asked. This only caused Sango and Kagome to completely lose it. Sango doubled over, holding her stomach. Kagome fell on her back and began rolling while gripping her sides. Neither girl could breathe.

Finally getting a hold of herself, Kagome answered the confused monk. "Nope." Sango sniggered. "Well, alright then. Let's eat!" Miroku said cheerfully. Inuyasha, Kirara and Shippo all looked at the girls. Sango gave them a look that clearly said, "Tell him and you're dead."

o0o

Once the makeshift campsite was cleared, the group stood up and began their journey once again. A few hours passed uneventfully. They decided it was time for lunch. Sango and Kagome immediately ran off to discuss their plans further.

"I can't wait to see what happens when we get to the village tonight!" Sango laughed. "Oh, I know! Miroku won't know what happened. We're balls awesome," Kagome said. Sango nodded her head in agreement.

I won't go into all that happened between the girls' chat and arriving at the next village. So, the group found the village and Miroku began to seek out the nicest inn there. He noticed all the weird looks everyone was giving him, but he shrugged it off. Finally, Miroku found what he was looking for and walked up to the inn and knocked on the door. After a few moments, the door slid open to reveal an elderly man.

"Good day, sir. I am here because I have noticed an ominous aura surrounding your establishment and I wish to help you," Miroku began. The innkeeper just looked on, utterly confused. "All I ask for in return is lodging tonight for my friends' and me."

"Umm, sure. Thank you, kind monk," the man shook his head and let Miroku begin his "exorcism." Once that was done, everyone was showed to their room. Everyone settled in and began a simple conversation. Miroku abruptly stood up and made up an excuse about scoping the area for any signs of demons or news of Naraku.

Sango and Kagome snuck out after him and trailed Miroku everywhere he went. He did his usual perverted stuff and the two couldn't help but laugh at the reactions of the village girls. One bold girl spoke up, "I don't mean to be rude, master, but what is wrong with your face?" You could tell that she and the other girls were repulsed.

"Why, whatever do you mean?" Miroku looked perplexed. At this moment, Kagome and Sango popped up in front of Miroku, a compact mirror in hand. Miroku took the mirror and stared at his reflection. "WHAT IN THE HOLY SEVEN SEAS OF CHEESE IS WRONG WITH MY FACE?" Kagome and Sango couldn't hold it in. The look on his face was priceless.

Kagome had to hand it to her and Sango. They did a great job on Miroku's "make over." His face was sheet white with powder and his lips were bright red. The purple eye shadow really brought out his eyes while the pink blush made his cheek bones stand out. He was definitely an ugly girl.

"SANGO AND KAGOME. I know you did this!" Miroku screeched as he chased the laughing girls' around the village. "HAVE MERCY!" Sango yelled while she jumped over a fallen log.

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Chapter one of balls awesome is complete. On to chapter two!


	2. Inuyasha

I just have to get all of this up and done. :D

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Balls Awesome!

Miroku didn't succeed in catching the girls'. They were just too damn sneaky! He sighed and went to the river nearby to wash his face. Kagome and Sango, meanwhile, were back at the inn. They told Inuyasha and Shippo what went down and the two went into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. That entire night, Miroku was mercilessly teased about being the ugliest geisha they had ever laid eyes on.

After everyone else was snoozing, Sango and Kagome began to discuss their next victim. They debated over who should be next and what they should do to said person. After much deliberation, they came to a decision. The victim was none other than Inuyasha.

o0o

The next day proved to be interesting. The group had been walking for what seemed like forever, when in all actuality it had only been and hour and a half. The girls' decided now was the time to annoy Inuyasha.

"Inuyashaaaa," Kagome whined. Said hanyou rolled his eyes and turned around. "What?" he snapped. "My legs hurt and I'm tired. Let's stop." Inuyasha was about to make a reply, but Sango beat him to it. "Yeah," she started. "I'm hungry and my butt hurts!" This caused Miroku to quirk his eyebrows. "Well, I can remedy that situation…" he started but was cut off by Sango launching a large boulder his way.

"No! We just left the last village. We are not stopping now," Inuyasha turned away and began walking. Kagome nodded to Sango and both girls' stood stock still. Kagome began shaking with feigned rage and her face turned red. Sango started stomping around and yelled about how unfair Inuyasha was. Kagome pulled on her hair while Sango screamed at the top of her lungs.

"What the hell? Knock it off!" Inuyasha yelled. "NO," both girls' yelled at the same time. "I'm going to hold my breath and Sango's going to scream until you let us stop and rest!" Kagome yelled rather childishly.

"Keh, do what you please, wench. I ain't giving in," Inuyasha crossed his arms and turned up his nose. Kagome sucked in air and began holding her breath. Sango screamed until she was blue in the face. This went on for quite awhile. Who knew Kagome could hold her breath for that long and Sango could scream at that decibel!

Finally, Inuyasha gave in. "Fine! We'll stop here!" He threw his hands up in the air and plopped to the ground, Miroku following suit. Kagome and Sango beamed. "Nah, I'm good," Kagome chirped and began skipping off, Sango in tow singing "Lalalalalalala!"

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Inuyasha hopped up and began running after the women. They gave him an innocent look, and Inuyasha sputtered. Giving up, he stormed ahead of the group.

o0o

Several hours passed and Inuyasha stopped for the night. Little did he know the girls' weren't done with their plan in annoying the hell out him. Kagome sauntered up to the unsuspecting hanyou and at to his left. Sango did the same thing, except she positioned herself on his right.

"What do you two want?" Inuyasha murmured impatiently. Kagome replied huskily, "I want you, Inuyasha. Sango's here to make sure I get what I want." Inuyasha looked totally freaked out. Kagome tackled him to the ground and tried ripping his haori off. Inuyasha struggled beneath the light weight of Kagome and managed to push her off of him.

"You don't want me?" Kagome sniffed. "YOU ASS HOLE," Sango roared. "Just fuck her already!" Inuyasha was utterly terrified now. "Wh-what?" he stammered. "You heard her, moron! Fuck me!" Kagome and Sango proceeded to slap Inuyasha back and forth. Sango grabbed the nearest boulder (she really likes boulders!) and whacked Inuyasha upside the head, rendering him unconscious.

Miroku, Shippo and Kirara looked on the whole time, completely amused. About twenty minutes later, Inuyasha woke up from the black abyss. He stared at Sango and Kagome.

"What the hell has gotten into the two of you?" he bellowed. "Why the hell do you want me to fuck Kagome?" Sango gave him a look of confusion while Kagome gave him one of anger. "YOU SICK PERVERT," Kagome screeched. "Just what the hell are you talking about, Inuyasha?" Sango asked. Inuyasha opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water.

"You must've been dreaming, idiot. No way in the cheesy hell would I let your dick anywhere near Kagome!" Inuyasha shook his head. He was pissed so he decided to run off into the forest. "Stupid women," he mumbled to himself. Just then, he looked up and noticed a couple soul collectors dancing in the sky. They were beckoning him to their mistress.

Back at the campsite, Kagome and Sango noticed the soul collectors as well and smirked evilly. They stood up and ran in the direction that Inuyasha had left earlier. While running, they discussed their plans.

_"This is going to be the best yet!" _Kagome mused to herself. She looked over to Sango who had the same smirk plastered across her face. "_This will be great!" _Sango thought.

____

_

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_

I bet you all can guess who the next victim is! Also, FanFiction won't let me center anything. I'll fix it later.


	3. Kikyo

Here we go!

Disclaimer: I forgot to mention this on previous chapters, but I don't own Inuyasha or the song "My Dick." There. Happy?

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Balls Awesome!

Kagome and Sango arrived at the scene of Kikyo and Inuyasha. The two were talking about how much they loved one another and how Inuyasha would do anything for Kikyo. Sango rolled her eyes at this; Kagome just looked disgusted. The two girls' grinned and nodded at each other.

Kagome and Sango jumped out from behind the bushes and in front of Inuyasha and Kikyo. They stepped back in surprise. "What is it you want?" Kikyo asked in a cold, hollow voice.

"We want to sing a song!" Sango replied, a huge smile stretched across her face. Kagome pulled a stereo out of no where and turned it on. She cleared her throat and Sango did the same. Needless to say, Inuyasha was beyond confused.

Suddenly, a tune began to play. Sango and Kagome began bouncing up and down. Then they sang.

_My dick cost a late night fee  
Your dick got the HIV  
My dick plays on the double feature screen  
Your dick went straight to DVD_

_My dick- bigger than a bridge  
Your dick look like a little kid's  
My dick- large like the Chargers, the whole team  
Your shit look like you fourteen_  
_Dude, you gotta let your girl go  
D.S. is the best in the business  
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus_

My dick- locked in a cage, right  
Your dick suffer from stage fright  
My dick- so hot, it's stolen  
Your dick look like Gary Coleman

My dick- pink and big  
Your dick stinks like shit  
My dick got a Caesar do,  
Your dick needs a tweezer, dude

My dick is like super size  
Your dick look like two fries  
My dick- more mass than the Earth  
Your dick- half staff, it needs work

My dick- been there done that  
Your dick sits there with dunce cap  
My dick- V.I.P.  
Your shit needs I.D.

It's time that we let the world know

It's time that we let the world know  
Dude, you gotta let your girl go  
D.S. is the best in the business  
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

My dick need no introduction  
Your dick don't even function  
My dick served a whole lunch-in  
Your dick- it look like a munchkin

My dick- size of a pumpkin  
Your dick look like Macaulay Culkin  
My dick- good good lovin'  
Your dick- good for nothin'

My dick bench pressed 350  
Your dick couldn't shoplift at Thrifty  
My dick- pretty damn skippy  
Your dick- hungry as a hippie

My dick don't fit down the chimney  
Your dick is like a kid from the Philippines  
My dick is like an M16  
Your dick- broken vending machine

My dick parts the seas  
Your dick farts and queefs  
My dick- rumble in the jungle  
Your dick got touched by your uncle

My dick goes to yoga  
Your dick- fruit roll-up  
My dick- grade-A beef  
Your dick- Mayday geek

My dick- sick and dangerous  
Your dick- quick and painless  
My dick- 'nuff said.  
Your dick loves Fred

It's time that we let the world know  
Dude, you gotta let your girl go  
D.S. is the best in the business  
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

It's time that we let the world know  
Dude, you gotta let your girl go  
D.S. is the best in the business  
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

Kikyo's mouth hung open, her eyes were wide. She couldn't even comprehend what just went on! Inuyasha just stared at Sango and Kagome, who had sometime during the song, pulled out chains and "bling."

"Yeah, boooooi," was Kagome's response, her arms spread out. "Word," Sango crossed her arms and tilted her body to the side, slightly nodding her head. Inuyasha had no idea what to say.

Finally, Kikyo spoke up. "What…what the hell?" Sango and Kagome started laughing. "Yo, clay pot. That song was for you," Sango stated simply. Kikyo glared, "Why would you sing a song about…about…_that_ to me?" This time Kagome replied, "Because my dick is better than yours, Kinky-ho!"

Kagome and Sango were having a blast! The look on Kikyo's face was priceless. They had gotten the dead priestess good. Kagome nodded towards Inuyasha, "Don't let this here clay pot take you to hell, _Inu poo_." Sango guffawed. They laughed the whole back to camp.

Once there, they proceeded to tell Miroku what had just happened. He insisted on hearing the song, so Kagome pulled the stereo out again and began the music. The girls' did their routine for a second time that night.

Inuyasha walked into the clearing only to see Kagome and Sango singing "My Dick" again. He screamed like a little girl and ran into the forest.

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And that was chapter three. On to chapter four! Please let me know what you think.


	4. Sesshoumaru

Here is chapter four!

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, thank you very much.

* * *

Balls Awesome!

The journey was dull. Kagome and Sango lagged behind the group, talking about their next victim. "Sango, how're we going to get him here? I haven't seen him in weeks," Kagome asked her friend. Sango stopped in her tracks, took a deep breath and yelled, "SESSHOUMARU, I HAVE YOUR FLUFFY."

Out of no where, Sesshoumaru appeared with a glare evident in his cold eyes. "What did you say, mortal?" He focused his anger on Sango who grinned innocently up at him. "I said nothing," she claimed.

"Do you have a super nose?" Kagome asked.

"Yeah. Can you smell things from miles away?" Sango piped in.

"Yes. Why is it you wonder?" Sesshoumaru quirked a brow.

Suddenly, a fart ripped through the air. Everyone turned their attention to Sango who had a satisfied look in her eyes. Kagome fanned her nose. "Whew, Sango! That was a nasty one. Bet I can beat that!" Kagome then let one loose. Sango cackled at the men's faces.

"Oh man, Kagome! That was horrid!" Sango cheered. The two continued to rip farts for about three minutes straight. Miroku passed out due to the lack of clean air in the vicinity. Shippo and Kirara ran behind a tree for protection. Inuyasha was gagging and Sesshoumaru was turning a lovely shade of green.

"Dude, Sango! It smells like something crawled up our asses and died," Kagome giggled. Sango then took notice of little Rin standing off to the side. She beckoned the young girl over. When Rin was right next to Sango, the older girl kneeled down and whispered something into her younger counterpart's ear. Rin's face lit up and Sango and Kagome laughed.

"This is fantastic, Kagome! Rin is going to carry on our legacy when we're not around," Sango was ecstatic. "Sesshoumaru will never get a breath of fresh air at this rate!" Kagome agreed.

Speaking of which, the girls' turned their attention back to the males. Miroku was on the ground, little swirlies replaced his eyes. Inuyasha was on all fours, attempting to catch his breath. Sesshoumaru was trying not to puke. He did have the best nose in the group so ultimately he was the one suffering the most.

Sango and Kagome almost felt bad for him. _Almost_, but they didn't. In fact, they were quite pleased with themselves. Kagome considered this revenge for all the bull shit Sesshoumaru had put the group through in the past. Her reverie was cut off by the sound of Sango's voice.

"Oh, no. I'm not done yet," Sango ripped a nasty one. Kagome joined in for round two of the fart off. She felt like she had a case of déjà vu. Kagome voiced her opinions to Sango, who agreed.

"I do believe the last time this happened, it was called a 'Hairy Poot Contest.' And it was between Kouga and Inuyasha. I'm pretty sure it was over you. Didn't Inuyasha win?" Sango explained. (This is a reference to mine and Kiska King's FanFic "Hairy Pooter: A Short Story.)

"Oh, yeah. You're right," Kagome agreed. She vaguely remembered it. Probably due to the fact those demons' farts were fifty times more pungent than hers and Sango's.

Kagome decided to forget about the past and continue farting with Sango until Sesshoumaru passed out. This happened no more then thirty seconds later.

Sango pumped her fists in the air victoriously. Kagome did her victory dance. They were the only two not affected by the gas. Inuyasha silently wondered if the gas could rival that of Naraku's miasma.

Kagome linked arms with Sango and the two began skipping away. "Don't forget what I told you, Rin!" Sango called back to the young girl. Rin gave them a toothy grin before awakening her lord and beginning the duty bestowed upon her by the taijiya and miko.

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This chapter is now over. :) I already have this story planned out so it won't take long to update. Reviews are appreciated!


	5. Naraku

No one asked, but I delivered anyways!

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha!

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Balls Awesome!

The gang was once again on the road and Kagome and Sango were planning their next victim. The girls' had decided the next time they saw him, they would definitely pick on Naraku.

A few hours passed and the sun was high in the sky, the wind playing with everyone's hair and clothes. Then, Inuyasha sensed him. It was Naraku. He appeared out of no where in front of his greatest enemies.

Sango grinned at Kagome who in turn cleared her throat. "Ahem. Excuse me, Naraku. Sango and I would like to have a word with you." He gave the girl a cold look that clearly said "go on."

"Well, we all know you have issues and my dear friend and I like to think we can help you," Sango stated simply. Suddenly Kagome pulled out a simple chair-couch thing (the ones psychologists use) and threw Naraku on top of it.

Sango and Kagome sat down on two random chairs behind Naraku's body and began their "therapy session." Kagome flipped through a note pad and Sango adjusted her newly acquired glasses.

"Your name is Naraku, correct?" Sango asked. "Uhh, yeah?" he answered. Kagome scribbled something in her note pad. "Tell me, do you feel crazed at times?" Kagome's voice rung out to Naraku's ears. He choked back a sob that tried to escape his throat.

"Yes, I am crazy! My whole life, all I wanted was to be accepted," Naraku buried his face in his hands. Kagome nodded a few times and wrote in her pad of paper again. Sango was shuffling some note cards and cleared her throat.

"Now, Naraku, just so we're clear, Kagome and I are only here to help you. After you have answered our questions, we'll give you our results," Sango told Naraku calmly. Naraku shook his head meekly.

About twenty minutes later, the girls' were done with their questions. Throughout the whole session, Kagome was vigorously jotting down notes. Sango told Naraku to give her and Kagome a few minutes to discuss between themselves.

A few moments later, Kagome and Sango turned to the baboon man with a grim expression on their faces. Naraku looked worried. "What? What is it? What's wrong with me?" Sango turned to Kagome and silently bid her to continue. Kagome looked at the man sadly, "We've come to the conclusion that you are balls deep in a canyon of crazy…so to speak." The man looked distraught at this prospect.

"What else have you come up with?" he asked. Kagome and Sango shook their head, clearly stating that was all they could figure out. Naraku asked, "Then what all did you write down in that note pad of yours?"

Kagome smiled and flipped the pad around to show Naraku. "I drew a bunny!" she giggled. Sango began singing, "Bunny bunny bunny BUNNY." Naraku sweat dropped.

Throughout all of this, Inuyasha and Miroku were wagering what the girls' diagnosis would be. Miroku thought they would say something along the lines that he was crazy then proceed to beat him upside the head with Sango's favorite item: a large boulder. Inuyasha bet that they'd tell Naraku he was a nut case and continually poke him with a stick.

They were somewhat right. Sango hefted a log over her head and brought it down on top of an unsuspecting Naraku. Kagome then started throwing dirt all over the baboon. They cackled manically and ran off down the road.

Inuyasha, Miroku, Shippo and Kirara were left with an enraged half demon on their hands. "I think we should follow after the girls," Miroku suggested. Inuyasha nodded his head in agreement. With that, they all ran after the girls.


End file.
